Although the distance between us is great (250 miles), I have never felt closer to you. I know wherever I go you will always be by my side, and I hope you know that I always will be by yours
My Everything
I don't think I ever told you where "I cherish you" comes from. My father and I went golfing for a day on my family vacation in Mexico for my Poppa and Grandma's 50th anniversary (the one where he fell ill and I had to translate in Spanish) and we were partnered up with two mid-fifty year old businessmen. They were drinking heavily and sweating even more so, and boy were they hilarious. They had the kind of humor where they would just make fun of each other over and over until one of them couldn't think of a better comeback in which case they would just erupt in laughter. By no means were these guys the paradigm of sagacity; they were wasted before the third hole, miraculously they sobered up by the end of the front nine just in time to get plastered again by the 12th. They thought me and my dad were brothers, a fact which my dad is still proud of. Of the smarter decisions in life, letting them drive us back to the hotel we were staying at was not one of them. On the way back one of the guys brought up the topic of his ex-wife (both of them were divorcees), which made them sober up at strangely the exact same time. They got quiet. Breaking the long pause, one of the guys looked back at me right in the eyes. He told me in a serious voice I hadn't heard from them yet that love doesn't last. He told me that people grow older, spend more time together, have more complicated and taxing lives. Things go awry. He told me if there is just one thing he could pass on in his life it would be to tell me in that very instance not to look for love. Don't look for looks or brains or "the x-factor" he told me. He said what really is the secret to a happy life is being able to cherish those around you. Especially, he said, your partner. There will be fights, highs, lows, stressors. But at the end of the day he said, no matter what, if you cherish who that person is, you will transcend the fights and the highs and lows and stressors. Good times and bad times will happen sure, but they won't impact the fact that you admire and respect the other throughout all times.
I get in this habit of thinking that everyone around me is a robot. A programmed soulless robot that makes precise actions and produces precise emotions based on the programming of their CPU. How do I know there is an individual in there? It may sound silly and exaggerated (which knowing me, it is), but thats the way I see them. I don't think of you as a CPU, but the only other me in this whole crazy planet. Just us two. I think it was when I realized I thought of you as an individual that I realized I cherished you. I don't know if I believe the whole "love wears out" thing that the guy told me. I don't want to believe it. I can, however, imagine the toll stress and fatigue will take. I can imagine waking up every morning feeling like a sledgehammer has just struck me over my head because I am so goddamn tired and sick of the shitty routine and wanting to just run away for eternity to sit in a dark room with no stimulation because even the smallest hint of light would be so much work to process that it will drive me literally insane. Life isn't easy. Not only do I have a very active imagination, but I have listened to stories from the elders that have been in my life. Granted, not all of them are drunk lunatics handing out semi-coherent life lessons, but relationships between people are easy to read. And even though that guy in Mexico didn't have enough sense to discern I was my father's son and not his brother, what he told me seems to be one of the truest secrets of life. This is why I was so excited and giddy every time we were able to talk, every time the words coming out of your mouth resonated so deep inside me that I wasn't sure whether to stop you to tell you how much I felt it or to let you continue. I can love robots. I cherish only you. Whats even better, I happen to be in love with the one I cherish. Now don't tell me I'm not the luckiest person.
I've said it a million times and I'll say it again, I'm crazy for you. When we take kissing selfies - the way you put your head on my shoulder when we cross streets - how we are starting to have our own language from two squeezes on the thigh to hold hand to water gun ;) - building forts and watching movies - our dream of getting a hotel room with a hot tub - how your fingers fit perfectly into mine - our crazy idealism that gets us in more trouble than it helps us - the little dimples on your chin when you smile (you've got such a great smile) - 1,2,3 I love yous - our forever. The list is endless yet it is a silly exercise. I don't love the little dimples on your chin. No, not at all. I love that those dimples are on you. I don't actually love building forts and watching movies, I think the last fort I build by myself was in the fourth grade. No, not at all. I love building forts and watching movies because you are there beside me. I don't love that your fingers fir perfectly into mine. No, not at all. I love that the woman I cherish and love with all of my heart wants to give me her hand. I don't love the items on the list of things that drive me crazy about you. No no no, not at all! I love only their culmination: the individual I have had the privilege of calling my best friend this past year. You.
From the cute girl waving shyly two rows back to the lover I cherish, I have enjoyed every second of our journey together. Even the time spent apart, tired, stressed. No question about it. Do you remember after our date at the Blue Nile the rain was pounding on the sunroof of the car as we were warming up inside listening to Space Lion while watching in the distance the communications tower lurking over the city? Do you remember the picture in the basement of the Union where a tired but still beautiful you put your pretzel up to make a pretzel smile? Do you remember us meeting for the first time in over a month in Chicago and how I broke through the front ranks of your family to kiss you? Do you remember how I laughed on the inside thinking how fun of an old couple we'd be when I forgot the bug spray and we got so frazzled by the mosquito attack? Do you remember how I spent hours picking out songs for the CDs I would give you making sure they were songs that could tell you how much you meant to me? Do you remember how beautiful you looked the first time we were meeting to study in the Ugli- when you didn't see me looking out the window as you walked for the Chem building - when you didn't see me thinking to myself that she is absolutely perfect, do you remember that? Do you remember the time I woke up in the middle of the night when you were still asleep in the middle of April when you stayed over and just cried and cried because I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I had found the love of my life? Do you remember how whenever you get off the Megabus I'm always left speechless by your beauty? Do you remember how every time I dropped you off at Markley even though it may have been goodbye for just a few hours I was left breathless? Then, now, and always I'm left breathless, speechless. Except, maybe, for five things that I want to say to you:
I love you. Yo te amo. Je t'aime. Eu te amo. I cherish you.
I look forward to the many years to come and the wonder that awaits us as we continue to learn more about each other and grow our roots like a wise tree into the fertile ground of this relationship.
My love for you grows.
I don't think I ever told you where "I cherish you" comes from. My father and I went golfing for a day on my family vacation in Mexico for my Poppa and Grandma's 50th anniversary (the one where he fell ill and I had to translate in Spanish) and we were partnered up with two mid-fifty year old businessmen. They were drinking heavily and sweating even more so, and boy were they hilarious. They had the kind of humor where they would just make fun of each other over and over until one of them couldn't think of a better comeback in which case they would just erupt in laughter. By no means were these guys the paradigm of sagacity; they were wasted before the third hole, miraculously they sobered up by the end of the front nine just in time to get plastered again by the 12th. They thought me and my dad were brothers, a fact which my dad is still proud of. Of the smarter decisions in life, letting them drive us back to the hotel we were staying at was not one of them. On the way back one of the guys brought up the topic of his ex-wife (both of them were divorcees), which made them sober up at strangely the exact same time. They got quiet. Breaking the long pause, one of the guys looked back at me right in the eyes. He told me in a serious voice I hadn't heard from them yet that love doesn't last. He told me that people grow older, spend more time together, have more complicated and taxing lives. Things go awry. He told me if there is just one thing he could pass on in his life it would be to tell me in that very instance not to look for love. Don't look for looks or brains or "the x-factor" he told me. He said what really is the secret to a happy life is being able to cherish those around you. Especially, he said, your partner. There will be fights, highs, lows, stressors. But at the end of the day he said, no matter what, if you cherish who that person is, you will transcend the fights and the highs and lows and stressors. Good times and bad times will happen sure, but they won't impact the fact that you admire and respect the other throughout all times.
I get in this habit of thinking that everyone around me is a robot. A programmed soulless robot that makes precise actions and produces precise emotions based on the programming of their CPU. How do I know there is an individual in there? It may sound silly and exaggerated (which knowing me, it is), but thats the way I see them. I don't think of you as a CPU, but the only other me in this whole crazy planet. Just us two. I think it was when I realized I thought of you as an individual that I realized I cherished you. I don't know if I believe the whole "love wears out" thing that the guy told me. I don't want to believe it. I can, however, imagine the toll stress and fatigue will take. I can imagine waking up every morning feeling like a sledgehammer has just struck me over my head because I am so goddamn tired and sick of the shitty routine and wanting to just run away for eternity to sit in a dark room with no stimulation because even the smallest hint of light would be so much work to process that it will drive me literally insane. Life isn't easy. Not only do I have a very active imagination, but I have listened to stories from the elders that have been in my life. Granted, not all of them are drunk lunatics handing out semi-coherent life lessons, but relationships between people are easy to read. And even though that guy in Mexico didn't have enough sense to discern I was my father's son and not his brother, what he told me seems to be one of the truest secrets of life. This is why I was so excited and giddy every time we were able to talk, every time the words coming out of your mouth resonated so deep inside me that I wasn't sure whether to stop you to tell you how much I felt it or to let you continue. I can love robots. I cherish only you. Whats even better, I happen to be in love with the one I cherish. Now don't tell me I'm not the luckiest person.
I've said it a million times and I'll say it again, I'm crazy for you. When we take kissing selfies - the way you put your head on my shoulder when we cross streets - how we are starting to have our own language from two squeezes on the thigh to hold hand to water gun ;) - building forts and watching movies - our dream of getting a hotel room with a hot tub - how your fingers fit perfectly into mine - our crazy idealism that gets us in more trouble than it helps us - the little dimples on your chin when you smile (you've got such a great smile) - 1,2,3 I love yous - our forever. The list is endless yet it is a silly exercise. I don't love the little dimples on your chin. No, not at all. I love that those dimples are on you. I don't actually love building forts and watching movies, I think the last fort I build by myself was in the fourth grade. No, not at all. I love building forts and watching movies because you are there beside me. I don't love that your fingers fir perfectly into mine. No, not at all. I love that the woman I cherish and love with all of my heart wants to give me her hand. I don't love the items on the list of things that drive me crazy about you. No no no, not at all! I love only their culmination: the individual I have had the privilege of calling my best friend this past year. You.
From the cute girl waving shyly two rows back to the lover I cherish, I have enjoyed every second of our journey together. Even the time spent apart, tired, stressed. No question about it. Do you remember after our date at the Blue Nile the rain was pounding on the sunroof of the car as we were warming up inside listening to Space Lion while watching in the distance the communications tower lurking over the city? Do you remember the picture in the basement of the Union where a tired but still beautiful you put your pretzel up to make a pretzel smile? Do you remember us meeting for the first time in over a month in Chicago and how I broke through the front ranks of your family to kiss you? Do you remember how I laughed on the inside thinking how fun of an old couple we'd be when I forgot the bug spray and we got so frazzled by the mosquito attack? Do you remember how I spent hours picking out songs for the CDs I would give you making sure they were songs that could tell you how much you meant to me? Do you remember how beautiful you looked the first time we were meeting to study in the Ugli- when you didn't see me looking out the window as you walked for the Chem building - when you didn't see me thinking to myself that she is absolutely perfect, do you remember that? Do you remember the time I woke up in the middle of the night when you were still asleep in the middle of April when you stayed over and just cried and cried because I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I had found the love of my life? Do you remember how whenever you get off the Megabus I'm always left speechless by your beauty? Do you remember how every time I dropped you off at Markley even though it may have been goodbye for just a few hours I was left breathless? Then, now, and always I'm left breathless, speechless. Except, maybe, for five things that I want to say to you:
I love you. Yo te amo. Je t'aime. Eu te amo. I cherish you.
I look forward to the many years to come and the wonder that awaits us as we continue to learn more about each other and grow our roots like a wise tree into the fertile ground of this relationship.
My love for you grows.